Sunday, March 28, 2010


by Mick Tomlinson

while I type this poem
a president speaks to his troops
behind me on the TV
wearing the same bomber jacket
the president before him wore,
saying the same damn things to the same ol' ears
about the same damn guns and the same ol' wars.
he makes promises he can't keep,
while I make another vodka tonic
that I intend to drink.

and to think,
I'm the one considering therapy.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The Coast With The Most!

Just got back home from a four day vacation at the Oregon Coast. Except for the high winds during certain parts of each day, it was an otherwise perfect trip. Plenty of sightseeing, picture taking, seafood dinners, fishing from the pier at Newport Bay, whale watching and even a little shopping too. Now I must admit, I am not a fisherman. Funny thing is, I've never even had the pleasure of reeling in a fish from a body of water before, and I'm 33 years old. My ex-girlfriend's 6 year old son, however, is quite the fisherboy and he let me try my luck with his fishing pole when he noticed how utterly bored I was. One cast out with a sand shrimp as bait and this is what happened:


This is called a rock fish or stone fish I think, and apparently somewhere on it's body is a stinger fin which can deliver a highly toxic venom (according to the guy who was fishing near us). I was trying to get this ugly thing off the line when he called over and warned me about it's lethality. Um, nice, just what a novice wants to hear on his first catch. So I got the damn thing off the pole and tossed it back into the ocean without getting stung, but shortly after I realized that the entire process of catching a fish is actually quite fun and I found myself wanting to catch another one. Onward to WalMart I went in search of my very own fishing pole! A few hours later I was standing side-by-side with him, casting like a pro. We caught several red rock crabs, some seaweed, and a starfish before we finally gave up and called it a day.

I'll be adding some of the pictures I took of all the various places we went in my next blog, so stay tuned!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Cop, Stop & Roll

Oregon recently passed a new law. I'm fairly certain this law is being passed in most states nationwide and if it hasn't yet in yours, give it time, it will. The new law is a cell phone restriction while operating a motor vehicle. Basically, if you don't have a hands-free device you can no longer talk while driving around in search of the nearest strip club. Now your friends will have to wait until you pull off the road before they know which direction to head. I understand the necessity of this law, too many people on the road driving around with way too many distractions, I get it, but there is another aspect to the whole thing that I am thinking about which I don't like: cops.

We've already given way too much power and trust over to our cops, and in return we get hassled every single day. I'm a law abiding, tax paying citizen who has been pulled over by local law enforcement maybe a dozen times in my life, and of those times I was ticketed (all but once) for trivial bullshit like: not wearing a seat belt, not making a complete stop at a stop sign, excessive rate of speed (by their standards, not mine), license plate/inspection discrepancies, lights/signals out, improper lane change, etc. The cops have set their focus on the roads, our roads. They patrol the streets with radar guns looking for the next "criminal". They hand out 150 dollar tickets for things that affect absolutely no one. Well that's not entirely true, the state's budget is affected greatly, that's about it.

So now that this new law is in place I find myself thinking about subtle things that I do while driving that may appear (to a cop on the look-out for offenders) as cell phone usage. For example, I often drive around with my left arm propped up and my head resting against my hand while steering with my right. It's a common technique, everyone does this from time to time, but have you ever thought about what this might look like to a cop looking for his next bust? Yep, you guessed it. It's the same technique used to hold a cell phone up to your ear while talking and if a cop mistakes the two, it's your word against his. I also use my iPod a lot when I'm driving (yea, yea I know... but hey, it's not illegal yet!) and when I'm thumbing through for the next great song I bet it could appear that I'm texting. Yet another opportunity for a false ticket. I'm going to be really pissed the day I get pulled over and have this argument with a police officer. There's no winning in that situation. I'm reminded of a news story awhile back where a guy was sitting on a park bench eating a pear when several cops approached him with guns drawn because they thought the pear was a hand grenade. A hand grenade? Really? Yeah well, that civilian ended up with multiple gunshot wounds to the chest. Um, no bueno.

And as if the cops' stealthy ways aren't bad enough, now there are cameras perched high on poles at every intersection. These static eyes in the sky will catch criminals who do a slow roll through a traffic signal and send you a fine via the post office. Awesome. One of these boxes was recently installed at a major intersection that I drive through every morning on my way to work. And now, naturally, every single person who stops at this light refuses to turn right on red (even though it's still perfectly legal to do so) for fear that the camera will mistakenly take their picture anyway. Terrific. Way to hinder the flow of traffic. Luckily I don't live in an overcrowded city where traffic jams are only a car honk away, but still, it's the principal behind the whole thing. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? Or the fact that we're supposed to have the right to face our accuser? Our rights are being tossed out the window for budgetary concerns, and I don't like that very much. I could expand this to the Federal level and make this blog four times longer, but I won't do that.

Drive fun, everyone!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Jim, who's Jim?

Started hitting up the gym again. I keep it simple: 45 minutes on the elliptical machine, level 17, then I go home. Today I burned almost 600 calories while listening to The Rolling Stones (Voodoo Lounge). Nothing like breaking a sweat to Blinded By Rainbows, hell yeah.

Saturday, March 13, 2010


by Mick Tomlinson

my arm is nothing more than an extension of my soul,
stretched parabola forming a straight line
towards heaven.
I stand on my soapbox with a sermon dangling
from my lips, this tired old street corner
this tired old man giving the world what it wants.
I am enlisted.
I am the bubble hidden deep
inside the bone.
I am the beekeeper creating a brand new colony,
stung by his own pride.

here, brother, listen:

walk with me while I tell you about the
accubation of life
and all of it's little lovers,
those tiny frail things so easily forgotten.
my tongue is nothing more than an extension of my mind,
soft, flattened, delightful
attracted to flavor.

a million spiders bred a million more,
and still their webs spread empty between the trees.

this is the way God works.

libraries engulfed in flames,
over-dosed artists,
a genius child sold into slavery.

we all become what we already are:
gentle creatures abacinated by society
fenced in and cornered by evil dreams.
we thrash in our sleep,
we wake violently,
we burst onto the scene like lions
from another planet,
hungry, oh so wild and hungry.

this is the way We work.

Walk About

Walked around downtown with camera in hand last weekend, I intend on doing the same again this weekend. Here's a few pics I thought were worth sharing:

Saturday, March 6, 2010


Cynic. Anti-social. Recluse. Misanthrope. All of these words are a great lead-in for the blog you're about to read, and if you're familiar with the definition of any of them then you already know where I'm headed. Yep, let's talk about folks, folks.

Homo sapiens, humans, humankind, humanity. The two-legged rulers of the planet, conquerors of everything, masters of our domain. We are God's desirables, the chosen species. We are special, so special that when we die we get to ascend to an even more special place called Heaven where streets of gold await us! That's awesome, who doesn't want to be part of that? I don't know about you, but I've witnessed what gold (money) does to humans here on planet earth, so why the fuck would we want to continue the greedy trend in our heavenly afterlife?

Speaking of the influence money has on people, check out this video:

Gold+humans=greed. Awesome equation to apply to the holy heaven above us, makes perfect cents! Who knows, maybe the Bible's description of Heaven is a metaphor and is not to be taken literally, but then again, I've seen the religious right cling to the belief that the Bible is indeed infallible and should be taken literally over and over again. For example, here in America a hot topic of debate is gay marriage. Those who fall on the side of religion say God condemns homosexuality and will quote the Bible at lengths to prove that the gays are sinners and will destroy the sacred institution of marriage. Well, okay, but what about this? Deuteronomy 22:13-21 says "A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed". Ouch, hard times for many a married couple I would imagine.

I won't dwell too much on religious hypocrisy, but I will quickly add one more fun little story I heard on the news. In light of the recent incident at Sea World where a killer whale (Tilikum) killed it's trainer, a member of AFA (American Family Association) has declared that according to Exodus 21:28-29 the whale should be stoned to death. I won't go through the trouble of typing the exact Bible quotes in their entirety, but basically it talks about any ox that gores a man to death is to be stoned to death, but not eaten. Alright bud, have fun with that one. Go assemble your pile of rocks and take aim at the water pool, you mindless freak. Grrr people...

So why do we exist? Oh I know, maybe it's for McDonald's tasty chicken sandwiches:

I love to plug myself into these scenarios and question how I would have reacted. In the above situation I find it hard to believe not a single parent approached this fat fuck and aggressively pointed out the fact that children were all around him. Would my kung-fu grip around this man's super-sized saggy jowl have been a better example for the kids I was trying to protect? Probably not, but my emotion while watching the video was of pure anger at this bastard's complete disregard of others. Where is the sucker puncher wallet thief when ya really need him?!?! Ka-Blammo! God that would be so awesome.

And while we're on the subject of shitty sucker-punching humans and McDonald's value meals, here's one more video for your viewing displeasure:

Okay NOW I'm pissed. That guy in the white t-shirt just watched an adult male punch a little girl right in the face and he just stood there, did NOTHING. Fuck that. I don't care how surprised or shocked or maybe even a little scared I'd be in that situation, it would take all of two seconds for my better judgment to kick in and I would've been on that son-of-a-bitch like ketchup on fries. Would I have gotten punched in the face like that girl did? Maybe, I don't really care. There are times when the only course of action is ACTION. That man was way out of line, an animal out of control, he should've been beat down right there on the spot by every other human standing near. The cops can come in later and clean up the mess, but justice should've been served instantly and I'm sad to see it didn't go that way. What the hell is wrong with us? Grrr people...

Sorry if this blog was ultra depressing, but sometimes I have to vent and let this stuff out. People can be so inconsiderate and volatile and destructive and inhuman that it builds up and starts getting to me. I try to focus on all the great shit that we have done, that we're capable of doing, but sometimes all it takes is a YouTube video (or three) to completely wreck my positive thinking! Sheesh, thanks youtube. ;)