Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Blogged Arteries

I do not have very good eating habits. It's not that I eat terribly unhealthy foods all the time, it's just that I have an extensive appetite and when it comes time to eat, I tend to eat large portions. If I had to guess I'd say I average only 3-4 fast food meals a month and I seldom drink soda, so compared to many Americans that's a pretty good average. My ex-girlfriend was an extraordinary cook and we always had nice home cooked meals, but she always made a lot and I would eat a lot. Excessive food intake aside, I generally stay away from really shitty foods. That being said, every once in awhile I like to drop my balls in a cup of soup and just go crazy. Today for lunch I decided to try a new product by one of America's popular fast food chains. This item is causing quite a controversy, it's being discussed on all the major news channels, so naturally I had to eat one just so I could say I did it. If you don't know what I'm talking about then take a look at this picture and I'll explain:

Yes, ladies and gents, that is KFC's infamous new sandwich called the Double Down. It's two of everything: two cheeses, two sauces, two bacons, and two chicken slabs pretending to be buns. I have no idea how many calories are in it, or how awful the fat content is, but let me tell you this.. it was pretty tasty. Apparently Americans just aren't fat enough yet, so KFC has taken the extreme liberty of advancing our unhealthy society with this mega-fuck thing they call a sandwich. It can't really be a sandwich without any bread, can it? It doesn't matter, this product is grotesque and nefarious and should be avoided at all costs, unless, of course, you are like me and just had to eat one for the sake of good blogging. Am I not dedicated to the cause? Hoo-rah!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

If It Tastes Like Shrimp...

I have so much to say, but I will say little for the sake of what little time I have left this evening. Sometimes I wish I were jobless, sometimes I wish my only friend was the clock on the wall, tick.. tick.. ticking along, minute after minute. Just me and that clock, making the most out of every available second. Luckily I like my job, otherwise I would REALLY hate going in each day. I spend so much time thinking about how many more poems I could write, or that novel I could have written, was it not for working all the damn time. How the hell has our species come to this? Jesus, I already know the answer to that question, I don't know why I keep asking it.

So check it out, I found this slightly amusing in a cannibalistic sort of way. In my apartment I have a fish tank, 40 gallons, full of pretty plants and fish and an eel and several ghost shrimp. I tried taking some pictures of it to accompany this blog, but none of them turned out, so you'll have to find entertainment in my words alone. Can you dig it? I know you can, you waywardly word nerds. So anyway, these fish are fantastic, some of them (the platy's) even felt the urge to mate and have baby fish! That's terrific, I love looking in there and playing the "find the fish fry" game. If I still smoked weed it'd be even better, but I don't, so it's slightly less entertaining, but still quite a lot of fun. The game lasts only a few minutes instead of over a stoner hour.

Let me get back to the shrimp, those little weirdos are the reason for this blog. So like I said, I have some little ghost shrimp in there, patrolling the rocky bottom of the tank day in & day out. They're a lot of fun and they only cost me .33 a piece, so I dropped a buck and a half and littered my tank with them. Most of 'em lived. Problem is when I drop the flake food in the other fish are quick to snatch it all up, and the shrimp are left roaming the gravel in search of the source of the desirable smell. Poor bastards, they stand no chance at survival. So I bought some sinking food pellets that I toss in at the same time as the flakes. The plan works well. All teh fast swimming fish go straight for the flakes while the pellets drop straight to the bottom where the shrimp are eagerly waiting. Each one of them scurry to the nearest pellet and begin consuming their meal. Here's where it gets a little funny (and cannibalistic). This is what they are eating:

I should point out that this food isn't called shrimp pellets because they are specifically designed for shrimp, it's called that because the main ingredients are made from shrimp and it tastes just like shrimp. Ha ha, that's a little funny!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Vampire Candy

I was browsing my local DVD store the other day looking for some new movies to add to my ever-growing collection (PIC #1, PIC #2) when something hanging from a rack near the register caught my eye. I walked over and picked it up and within seconds of checking it out I knew I had to have it. This novelty item was just too great to pass up:

Now, since the pictures can't convey just how awesome it is, I'll type up everything you can't read. Get ready for the good stuff!

Blood Energy Potion

  • Similar nutrients to real blood
  • Fangtastic fruit punch flavor
  • Delicious for vampires or humans
  • Succulent source of electrolytes
  • Delectable source of iron
  • Garlic free
Similar nutritional content to natural blood. Not for use intravenously or in transfusions. Instructions for warming to 98.6 degrees F on back. People's blood isn't for drinking, but this is.

Preparation Instructions:
  • Twist off cap while holding upright
  • Tip pouch into mouth or pour into goblet
  • Taste the sweet nectar of life
Disclaimer: Contains phenylalanine, not recommended for mortals under 12.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


I love Reese's Pieces. They're so good my brain has difficulty telling my hand to stop shoveling them into my mouth, but that's not even the problem. Here's the problem. In light of this Easter holiday, the Hershey Company decided to tap into their clever marketing department and those funny pricks bagged up all their orange Reese's Pieces into specially designed bags that resemble carrots. And of course my girlfriend bought 'em up and now my house looks like the Willy Wonka garden. Awesome, and I can't stop eating these not-so-good-for-me vegetables.

Okay moving on..

I received in the mail something I'm really excited about, it's the 8 disc DVD collection of the complete Little Rascals collection. Man, I love that show! I'm so excited to add it to my DVD shelf, even more excited to start re-watching all of those episodes. It's going to be great, I can't wait. Amazon had it in its Gold Box section just last week, I picked it up for less than 30 bucks. Score!

I actually have a lot more I want to write about and several other pictures to add to this blog, but I gotta say I'm not feeling very pleased with blogger.com right now. I'm having a great deal of trouble adding pictures to my blog and moving them around within it. I would expect the pic I upload would simply go wherever my cursor was flashing beforehand, but no, instead it goes straight to the top of my blog and then I have to drag it down to where I want it, but that always proves to be a pain in the ass. I'm quite aggravated right now, so I'll come back later and try it again. Who knows, maybe I drank too much tonight and that's my trouble.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Windshield Wiper Weirdos

Hey guess what, I've recently added a new peeve to my list of pet peeves. Life was much more peaceful before I started noticing this new annoyance, mainly because there is a fairly large percentage of humans who do it, but it only occurs when it rains and since I live in the Pacific Northwest it rains a lot, which in turn means this pet peeve is an everyday occurrence. Great, that's just what I need. As if I don't complain enough as it is!

So check it out, here's what bothers me now:

Can you believe it? I know, I know, I'm terrible and inexcusable and I completely denounce and reject myself for this abnormal behavior, but I'm telling you it bugs me so much! It drives me crazy to see parked cars with windshield wipers left in "motion". I can't help but wonder which social behavior studies can be applied to this pet peeve of mine. What does this say about the person (if anything at all)? Does the person notice the wipers in the upright position and get out of their car anyway? Or are they completely unaware that the wipers are standing at full salute? In either scenario, what does that say about them? Are there a myriad other personality trait that these people have in common? Etc, etc.

I could totally turn this around and ask the same question about myself: why does this bother me so much, and what does that say about me? I love studying the way peoples' minds work, it's fascinating. I'd love to go back to college and learn more about this subject now that I'm older and more appreciative.

So that last picture, the one of the VW Bug that was taken in the dark, is actually a friend of mine. Not the car, stupid, the guy who drives it. His name is Steve and he is part of the windshield wiper weirdo club. I was pretty excited when I found this out, naturally. He debunked my hypothesis that turning the ignition off while the wipers are in motion is hard on the wiper motor and would decrease the life of it. Steve is a tech guy, he's pretty savvy when it comes to electronics and such, so I conceded in that discussion. If my memory serves me correctly, when I asked him what goes through his mind when he leaves the wipers erect, he simply said, "I dunno, just never noticed before".

Now that it has become a hot topic, something tells me he'll notice every time. And if he continues to leave em up, then we truly have some interesting shit to think about! Haha.

Oh and by-the-way, Steve is a new blogger here just like myself, so go check out his page and say hello: http://lostambition.blogspot.com/