Saturday, October 27, 2012

Saturday Song Salute (and a poem!)

It's Saturday morning, cold and miserable rain is what I see through my window. I wanted to go for a walk, but instead I think I'll stay in and write a blog. I already wrote a poem this morning, so I guess I'll begin by sharing it:

without the rain

as I sit here
with my shoulder to the rain,
with my heart flung open
like a notebook scarred by scribbles,
I think of you, here now, with your soft neck
pressed against my lips.
I peer out at the falling droplets
finding temporary homes
on blades of grass,
on folded flowers,
on fence posts,
in pavement puddles
and I wonder how many times
they splat the exact same spot.
life is like that;
we are like that.
our pasts fold over, our mistakes repeat.
but we discover happiness
in the answers we find in between,
though we're still learning
to grow, to become, to erase the parts
of who were were (and didn't need to be).
as I sit here
I think about these things
and realize I love you as I love life,
that one without the other
is like a storm without the rain.

by Mick Tomlinson.

Okay, so now it's time for a Saturday Song Salute. I've chosen a song by a band called Biffy Clyro. They are relatively new, only having been on the music scene since 2002, but in that time they've released 6 studio albums, so they're doing alright. The song I'm saluting today is from their 5th album, Only Revolutions (2009). The album as a whole is excellent, with only a few songs that I feel don't have the playability factor, but if I had to choose just one song as my favorite, it would have to be God And Satan. In breaking down the lyrics I find myself curious as to what exactly the lead singer (Simon Neil) is trying to convey, but as with many a great songs, God And Satan feels more like a gift of subjective journey for the listener, rather than a concrete stance on life by the singer.

Here's what I get out of it: in my constant quest for knowledge in subjects I find most fascinating (i.e. religion, society, politics, etc) I will tap every source I can find, even if it means learning from "the dark side". When I first started learning about politics I began my journey listening to right wing pundits (because that's the ideology that reigns supreme where I work) and quickly ascertained people like Rush Limbaugh grated against everything my heart stood for. I journeyed forward through the liberal talk show hosts and found the air to be more comfortable to breath there, and have since went further into libertarian/anti-gov't realm since watching our current president fumble on so many important issues. Another example, religion. I was raised in the Christian faith and believed in religion for most of my youth, but as I got older I allowed myself to explore every side of it and started learning about the history, people and events surrounding the time when much of it was written. And now, well, I won't get into that.

Anyway, I'm digressing. My point is that this song makes me think about my own journey through life. The ups and downs, the learning of new things by any means necessary, the rocky roads, the question marks, the relationships, the angry and confusing times, the lies told, the truth learned, the scary feeling of growing up. Also, the lead singer has a remarkable singing voice and gets poetical near the end, I like that. Okay, I'll shut up and let you listen now. Enjoy:

God And Satan (lyrics)

I talk to god as much
As I talk to satan
'Cause I wanna hear both sides
Does that make me cynical,
There are no miracles and
This is no miraculous life
I savor hate as much as I crave love
Because I'm just a twisted guy
Is this the pinnacle, Is this the pinnacle
The pinnacle of being alive?
Now I see the light

Well I look up to god
But I see trouble
'Cause this ain't a miracle
I just want to take my chance
To live through a miracle

I know for certain that someone
Is watching but is it from up or down?
I make you miserable you stick with me
Although you know I'm gonna
Ruin your life

I talk to god as much
As I talk to satan
'Cause I wanna hear both sides
Does that make me cynical,
There are no miracles and
This is no miraculous life
We walk into the tide

Well I look up to god
But I see trouble
'Cause this ain't a miracle
I just want to take my chance
To live through a miracle

When the see-saw snaps and splinters your hand
Don't come crying to me
I'll only see your good side
And believe it's a miracle, a miracle

I slap the water and watch
The fish dance to the ripples of us
We're just dull blue duds
Blinking eyes encased in rust
This ain't a miracle
This ain't a miracle
This ain't a miracle
This ain't a miracle

Friday, October 19, 2012

It's The Money, Lebowski

If you have the time (and interest) I have uploaded two audio clips for your ears. Both clips share a common theme: how the banking industry has spoiled our society. In the first clip (apx. 40 minutes) you will hear Stefan Molyneux discuss his thoughts on how the criminal actions of bankers and government have negatively affected college students, and in the second clip (apx. 13 minutes) you'll hear Cenk Uygur talk about two recent news stories involving bankers getting away with theft and crime. The first story especially affected me while I listened to it at work this morning, seeing how I know someone currently spending a great deal of money and time in the pursuit of higher education, and who is also well aware of the crumbling society in which we reside (in part, much thanks to me). Well I don't really have anything else to say except, hope you enjoy. Here are the two clips:

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Where Did The Writer Go?

This will be a life update post because, well, there's a lot to be said. I'm not even sure how to begin this really.

(fast forward to later in the morning)

Okay, I just wrote a poem over at my poetry site (couldn't get into a groove here) so I'll kick off this blog post by sharing it:

our minds crawl

our minds crawl
into the strangest of holes

leaving the light that warms us
at the surface
to enter a dark place of hidden mystery.
we crawl forth, like

babes across soft carpet,
crawling to where comfort ends
and the cold uncertainty of tile begins.

most stop here,
but some continue on

and find themselves
wearing the button(s) of their god(s)
on their lapel, or
lipstick from another lover's dream.

the holes lose shape
the deeper you go, become less rounded,
surrounded by the roots of trees.

many stop here, few continue on

to the undercurrent
of our emotional existence,
that network of connectivity that reads
like a poem,
transforms our terrestrial being.

we become heavenly,
learn answers to questions unasked
by our former selves;
become what we already were,
but were unable to see.

few get this far, but some do

to that sacred geometrical place
spinning deeply within the universe,
a theory as thin as string,
a spiritual awareness of wings...

our minds crawl
into the strangest of holes,
don't they?

There it is, a poem by yours truly. Much like this blog site, that's the first poem I've written in a long time. Over the past several months my muse has been suffocated by a relentless quest to learn more shit. Whether it be politics, religion, or history, I find myself completely consumed by the desire to learn more & more. This thirst for knowledge didn't exist when I was in school, I merely skated my way through with a minimal connection to my future self. I didn't really care or believe in the things I was learning back then, my biggest passion was figuring out how to achieve the highest grade with minimal effort, all while avoiding the school bullies.

Now my brain is on fire and I've ventured down the "rabbit hole". Through varying sources (i.e. documentaries, websites, books, podcasts) I have been learning many things, some fascinating, some terrifying. Other than my girlfriend and my friend Steve, I don't really have people in my life I can dig deep with. For example, all of my coworkers think of me as an insane, conspiracy-driven, liberal-leaning, god-hating garbage man, so obviously I don't find much solace in those conversations. Allow me to use the following example:

9/11/01. Remember where you were when it happened? Remember the tremendous disturbance you felt in your gut when watching those towers collapse on television? Me too. I was living in North Carolina at the time and had just finished working a 12 hour shift. I was home, just about to go to sleep, when the news channels showed me the horror. At that time in my life I had never voted, never given politics a single thought, never considered my place in the universe nor did I care about the history of the human race. I was young, battling the demons of my childhood, ignorant of the darkness that existed elsewhere. I swallowed the story they told me that day, after-all, why would I question the news reporters? They made a living discovering facts that I didn't have time to discover for myself. Well here I am now, a 36 year old man, and I have lots of time on my hands and many more opinions and interests than I did 11 years ago. And I've been studying.

But part of me worries about what I write on the internet because of the Brandon Raub story and the new America I find myself living in. If a combat veteran who fought in two wars isn't safe from writing his beliefs on the internet, why would I be? I agree with the words (even the misspelled ones) Brandon wrote. My studies of the events that took place on 9/11 have produced a new horrible feeling in my gut (and in my heart). There is so much evidence that wasn't brought to light, much of which our own government could be behind. That terrifies me, but what terrifies me more is when I think about what could happen next. How is it that a 30 something garbage man living in Salem, Oregon would worry about such a thing? Well, this book, for starters:
Not just the book, but also the numerous hours of interviews heard on various podcasts, and the numerous hours spent watching youtube videos and lectures, and the countless hours of online research. Exhausting? Very much so, but is there a subject more important? Not likely.

Okay, here's the deal. I'm a fairly smart guy with a bullshit meter that has a decent track record, but I dropped out of college because I felt I wasn't that smart. I rely on other people who are much more intellectual than myself to show me the way. I will do my homework and try to find out if I'm being bullshitted, but even still, physics is not something my brain understands. I am much better with poetry and short stories. I know of Nicola Tesla and his genius for all things electric, and I've learned how, at the end of his life, the government stole many of his ideas and concepts, but is it possible he was right about the wonders (and dangers) of free energy? I'm not this smart, but I can't stop thinking about it. Maybe somebody will read this blog and tell me something I haven't read or thought of yet, some snippet of truth that will snap me out of this unnerving line of thinking. But so far, no other explanation of 9/11 that I've read, offers scientific explanations for all the anomalies that occurred that day. Thermite and controlled demolition had my head exploding (pardon the pun) before, but now I'm simply shocked and awed at the thought of molecular manipulation via a directed energy source. Really? Could this really have happened? I don't know, but I do know over a million tons of steel and concrete disintegrated in midair right before our very eyes (minus the few stories at the very bottom that created the ground zero heap).
So, tell me I'm not losing my mind and that I've simply went too far down the conspiracy rabbit hole, show me what I'm not seeing and snap me out of this surreal daze. Please! And then I can get back to writing my poetry and short stories and finally put an end to the question: Where Did The Writer Go?

Okay, enough of the scary stuff, every knock on my door startles me now. Oh wait, I didn't even get into economics and fiat currency and a doomed financial system (yes, I'm aware of The Creature From Jekyll Island). Nor did I explain the purchase of guns and the growing food and emergency supply stash in my closet, or the ordering of survival books, etc. Do you see what I've become? It's not too late for me though, I can be reeled in. Maybe tonight's stand-up comedy show with Patton Oswalt will have me laughing so hard that all these scary concepts will pop out of my ears and fall to the floor like slugs and get smooshed by the feet of the exiting masses. I can only hope, right?

fun with photo app

this is snug bug in a bucket

my netanyahu bomb meme entry
my next t-shirt idea

"Loyal obedience to authority (government), while painted by many as a great virtue, is really nothing more than a pathetic attempt to escape the responsibility of being human and reduce oneself to an unthinking, amoral, programmable machine."