Friday, December 15, 2017

It Rhymes With Trigger

The following blog will include adult topics and offensive words; read at your own emotional hazard. I will not censor my words because we are adults and you have the choice to stop reading if you feel offended. If you are a kid reading this, kindly fuck off and go back to your cell phone. Alright, enough said! On with it.


I pride myself on being attentive and courteous to people around me and also super respectful even though they are strangers. The way I look at it, we are all stuck here playing the same game, each in our own lives, but loosely connected to those we encounter daily. If I pass through your domain without causing you hardship or grief then I feel I did okay by you. Matter of fact, I consider it a personality flaw that I often times go out of my way to be extra nice or helpful to those I (or my actions) interact with. A recent example: when I was walking across the truck stop parking lot this evening I carried my shower bag and a trash bag all the way to the main building and tossed my trash into the huge container that a garbage truck will mechanically dump instead of tossing it into a regular garbage can a few feet away from where I was parked. Why? Because the garbage bag was super heavy due to a gallon sized jug of piss inside (yes, truckers piss into jugs, but unlike Amazon drivers we don't bitch and moan about it) So, instead of making a truck stop employee have to carry my piss weight, I carried and disposed of it myself. Didn't have to, but that's just the way I am. I've watched plenty of other truckers toss them into the cans or even worse, dump their piss jugs right there on the ground. The level of disgust and disregard I see is unreal.

Okay, I've laid the premise that I am respectful and polite and try to be a decent person as often as I can even with humans I don't even know, now let's talk about the police force that exists in America these days. Yep, we're going there people. If you're one of those people who blindingly support cops and become enraged when anyone talks bad of them, then this would be a great time for you to stop reading because I am about to piss you off.

I've been quiet for a long time. I don't blog much anymore and I deleted my Facebook account long ago because Facebook doesn't give a shit about privacy and exists solely as a means of distraction. It is also a massive breeding ground for contempt and debate over trivial bullshit, none of which I have time for or want in my life. If you don't believe me, just read the following statement by one of Facebook's main men, Sean Parker:

In a recent interview with Axios media, Sean Parker, who played a pivotal role in turning Facebook into a money-minting juggernaut, admits that he is now “something of a conscientious objector” to the social networking giant.
Facebook “literally changes your relationship with society, with each other, God only knows what it’s doing to our children’s brains.”
The 38-year-old tech tycoon — whose hardball exploits as Facebook’s first president were depicted in Aaron Sorkin’s 2010 Hollywood flick “The Social Network” — said Facebook is designed to exploit “a vulnerability in human psychology” to get its users addicted.
“The inventors, creators — it’s me, it’s Mark [Zuckerberg], it’s Kevin Systrom on Instagram, it’s all of these people — understood this consciously,” he said. “And we did it anyway.”
Parker, who is now founder and chair of the Parker Institute for Cancer Immunotherapy, explained that Facebook uses likes and shares to create a “social-validation feedback loop” that keeps users coming back.
“We need to sort of give you a little dopamine hit every once in a while, because someone liked or commented on a photo or a post or whatever,” Parker said. “And that’s going to get you to contribute more content, and that’s going to get you … more likes and comments.”
Parker said he never anticipated the consequences of what would happen when Facebook grew to have 2 billion monthly users.
In its first few years, Parker said, people would tell him they didn’t use social media, and he would assure them that they would join the fold sooner or later.
“The thought process that went into building these applications, Facebook being the first of them, … was all about: ‘How do we consume as much of your time and conscious attention as possible?’” he said.

So yeah, fuck Facebook, I don't need it. Ever notice how nearly everything you do on the internet is linked to Facebook in some way? We've almost reached a point where Facebook has become a requirement as opposed to an elective... have you ever wondered why? Probably not. Most Americans don't even know what the war of 1812 was all about, even those with it plastered across their license plates (yes, I'm talking to you, Marylanders). Wait, did I just go on a Facebook rant instead of cops? Geez, I'm terribly out of tune. Alright, getting back on track.

One of my last memories before leaving Oregon is not a fond one. I was playing poker with my friends one last time before moving away. At some point during the evening a conversation about police popped up to which I began to rattle off all the reasons I am angry with them. Basically, I was completely alone in these opinions. Nobody was on my side or would even tip-toe near the thin blue line of trash-talking cops. But I was drinking and in a mood to ruffle feathers I guess, because next thing I knew I doubled down on my opinion and went as far as saying I hate cops. Not my proudest moment and I wish I could take that sentence back. For the record, I do not hate cops. Typically I reserve all hatred and dispel it on an individual basis, but I do, however, hate what cops have become in this country. Gone are the days of "to protect and to serve". Cops, for the most part, no longer belong to the community. They are separate from us. They are above us. They command authority, demand respect and absolute obedience. They are the authoritative and egotistical strong arm of the state and if you cross them for any reason or do not show them the proper level of subservience they require, good fucking luck with your outcome. My beef with police is based upon a decade of exposure to countless stories and evidence of injustice and abuse of power by police departments all across America, but three recent police encounters come to mind as I'm writing this. Here are the video links:

(Skip ahead to 5:25 in first video)

If you don't know the full background story on any of these incidents, I encourage you to investigate and learn, In all three of these videos you get to witness first hand the divide between police and citizens. Upon focusing on the words and phrases used by the officers, one can easily recognize the mindset of a type of human who does not respect others, but instead only cares about remaining in charge and being in total control. Something has changed in our police departments. They are training and producing cops who willingly disregard law and civility and will hurt or destroy you without qualm. And to those of you screaming at me right now saying, "yeah, but not all cops are bad!" I hear you. I used to think this way too. But in every single situation where one rogue "bad cop" performs a severe abuse of power, there are dozens of his/her coworkers who remain silent and an entire department that completely backs them up by saying "they were just doing their job". A dozen good 'quiet' cops are just as guilty as the bad one that commits the crime. And if the above three videos felt too personal and you want to research this issue on more of a macro level, just spend some time reading articles about how much money and assets police departments seize (steal) from non-criminal citizens every year via routine traffic stops and domestic invasions. That statistic alone will make you cringe.

Just remember this: unlike an actual free market company or business, the government does not create or produce anything of monetary value or worth, therefore it must generate revenue via other means, i.e. taxation, war and police departments. Oh, and one final note. That cop you have as a friend or family member... the one you were thinking of while reading this and getting angry with me... the one you enjoy knowing and living next to. Sure, you and your circle of people get a pass if you ever get caught speeding or not wearing your seat belt or driving home buzzed from the bar. And in your mind you think there's no way YOUR cop would ever do anything immoral while being protected by his uniform and badge, but if you're being honest with yourself you know in your heart that he likely would. He's part of a brotherhood that he will stand behind and support, even when one of them commits a crime. And if you're REALLY being honest with yourself you'd recognize the fact that him letting you off for ANY infraction due to being an acquaintance, is actually a crime in and of itself.

Alright, I'm done with cops. I could literally spend my entire evening presenting examples of how police have become an occupying force in America, but why bother? Most of you who have strong opinions to the contrary have already stopped reading and could never be enlightened anyway. If you ever wondered how the citizens of Germany allowed the Jews to be rounded up and taken away and murdered, THIS is how it happened. Regular people with regular jobs looked the other way while men with guns and badges who were just 'doing their jobs' treated their fellow humans like cattle while being protected by the state. Open your eyes, America, we live in a police state now.


If you ever wondered if racism still exists in America, hey guess what? I'm here to tell you it does. I think the overall theme of this blog entry is "people who suck". I've included myself on that list several times in the past. I just recently wrote how I was a shitty friend to some people and how I've been called a sociopath multiple times in my life. Well, here I am again about to explain why I'm not as great a person as I could be. I let myself down again and completely fumbled an opportunity to be a positive light. Allow me to explain.

I recently had to put my big rig in a repair shop to get a few things fixed. While there, I had the unfortunate experience of interacting with the mechanics who work there. It started off fine. I sat in a chair at the counter where the cash register was located and listened to a story of how the place had been burglarized not long ago. The gentleman (I mistakenly assumed) went on and on through every detail. He explained which door lock was jimmied, which tools were taken, what cabinets were opened, and showed me the scars on the register drawer. It looked as though it put up one hell of a fight. As time progressed and his story came to an end we found ourselves sitting in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable, per say, but rather remiss of anything interesting. Normally I would find things to discuss, but I've been trucking for a year now and I'm terribly out of people practice. As luck would have it though, he found more things to talk about.

A girl across the street caught his attention. I turned and watched her walk from her Jeep Wrangler to the front door of the tanning salon while he narrated her existence. According to him, she was a tight tease with tits who caused him to pine for the days before he was married, but all I saw was a young, pretty girl unlocking the front door to her work place. He went on for a little longer with the typical 'grab her by the pussy' talk and I sat there listening when suddenly he remembered the most important thing the burglar stole... his binoculars! He was so upset. He even reached under the counter and faked grabbed them and showed me what he looked like while spying on the girl across the street. I had to kind of laugh at that. I mean, he was actually creating imaginary binoculars by pressing two circled hands against his eyes. Men are like this, we just are. We see a pretty woman and our brains self lobotomize. It's just how we're wired.

Almost immediately after this occurred, the mechanic working on my truck comes in and realizes he missed out on the girl showing up for work and calls his coworker an asshole for "hogging all the snatch". They both talked a little while longer about pussy and what not, before finally explaining that my truck was finished. Phew! I started writing my out my check.

     "Hey, I noticed you're from Oregon?" the one guy asked to which I answered yes. He wanted know all about Oregon and living out west and how it compared to the east coast and I did my best to quickly fill him in. I talked about fewer roads, less traffic, less population, less chaos, more beauty, more mountains, more wildlife, more rain. They both were eating it up. They asked a few more questions, I answered, and then that's when it happened...

     "So what about niggers? Ya'll got niggers out there?" 


I stopped writing my check and looked up at the guy who just fixed my truck. I was caught completely off guard by what he just said and could actually feel my brain grinding against my skull in search of a response. And in that split second moment I decided to take the easy path and avoided confrontation.

     "Black people?" I replied. "Yes of course, but I'll be honest, the percentage of black people there is significantly lower than over here."

To which he replied, "Good God, I'm moving to Oregon! We hate niggers around here."

For about maybe two or three minutes longer, this racist continued letting me know just how racist he was and all I did was sit there quietly, listening. I did not speak up or rebuke him. I did not offer up any kind of blistering facts about the evil of one man hating another man based upon skin pigmentation. I sat there quietly and allowed it to happen, finished writing my check, thanked him for the work, and left. Afterwards, of course, I get to write a blog entry about it and that makes everything better. Now I can be a hero with my words. I can write about lessons that even I fail in real life. I can write about good cops sticking with the bad ones because they're on the same team even though I'm a hypocrite who did the exact same thing. You see? I am not a perfect person. I pride myself on my many good things, but when it comes down to it I'm no better than anyone else. These words I write... what good are they if the man who writes them is a weak-ass bitch?

I should've called that man out on his ugliness. I should've done a lot of things different in my life. I have regrets. I have things I wish I hadn't done or said; things I wish I could do over.  I think we all do, right? I guess we become better people through acknowledgement and saints through enactment. I need to work on the latter.

Thanks for reading me, be kind people.


  1. This is my first time venturing your blog in a long while, and boy, did I pick a doozy. I don't have anything significant to offer this post other than I am proud of your shitty inward feeling. That shitty inward feeling, that hard evening or evenings of self-reflection, is what is so painfully absent from people anymore. The moment anyone gets to thinking about themselves in any sort of critical way, they tell themselves they are perfect just as they are. Created in God's own cross-burnin', minority killing image. Every man, woman, and child on the planet would benefit from sitting and spinning on the idea that at any given time, they might be part of the problem. I feel for your decision to not rock the Nina, Pinta, or Santa Maria. I feel more for your acknowledgement of it. "Going forward," is how all self-reflection should end and begin. Cheers, ya racist bastard <3


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